Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
