if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
