Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
vagina is talking i cant
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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