i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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