shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
