Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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