Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
