GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
