Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
