I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
