Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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