My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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