I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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