You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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