Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
