Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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