Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
