I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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