I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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