I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
