now i know why i became what i already was.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
