I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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