I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
