You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
