I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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