ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I think I have vodka in my lungs
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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