Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
