do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize