so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
