I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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