U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
