why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
