I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
