Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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