i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
