The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
