and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
