Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
