Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
