We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
