im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
