Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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