I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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