i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
