you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
