If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
