You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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