Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
