What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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