He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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