Four minutes until I can fart!
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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