i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
